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Attunigrate

  • Relationship & Couples Therapy in Michigan

    Attunigrate offers virtual relationship and couples therapy across Michigan with Dr. Silvia Leija, PhD, LMFT, in English and Spanish. For the fight you keep having, the one who shuts down, and the one who escalates trying to reach them. Sessions are online, most major insurance is accepted.

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Does this sound like you?

You have the same argument every few weeks with different scenery

One of you goes quiet and the other gets louder trying to get a response

You shut down mid-conversation and cannot make yourself speak, and afterwards you cannot explain why

You've learned which subjects to avoid, and the list keeps growing

You're more careful with each other than you used to be, and it is not warmth

You both know how this goes and neither of you knows how to stop it

What's actually happening

Most recurring fights are not about the subject. They are two nervous systems responding to threat in incompatible ways. One person's response to disconnection is to pursue it: raise the volume, press for an answer, resolve it now. The other's is to withdraw and go still, because that is what kept things safe before.


Both are protective. Neither is chosen. And they escalate each other perfectly, because pursuing reads as danger to the person shutting down, and shutting down reads as abandonment to the person pursuing.


Shutting down in particular is not stonewalling or refusing to engage, though it looks identical from outside. It is a nervous system going offline under load. The person it is happening to usually cannot talk their way out of it in the moment, which is why "just tell me what you're thinking" never works.

How we treat it

Couples Therapy with Dr. Leija

Both of you in the room, working on the pattern rather than the last argument. Available in English and Spanish.

Internal Family Systems (IFS)

The part of you that performs and the part that resents performing are both trying to protect you. IFS gets them talking instead of fighting.

Somatic Therapy

Builds the capacity to stay present in conflict rather than going offline or escalating.

If you've tried couples therapy before and it didn't help

You may already know the communication tools. You may have tried taking turns, using “I” statements, or promising to stay calmer next time and still end up in the same fight. Couples therapy here is less about deciding who is right and more about understanding the pattern happening between you: what makes one person pursue, what makes the other shut down, and how each response keeps the cycle going. The goal is not to have better arguments. It is to change what keeps creating them in the first place.

That also lines up nicely with the page’s approach: work on the pattern, not the last argument.

What the first six sessions look like

Before you start

A free consult with the therapist you have been matched to. You are matched on what you are bringing, not on who has an opening, and you still have to feel safe with the person in front of you. We verify your insurance and tell  you your exact cost before session one.

Sessions 1 and 2

 History and what brought you here: the primary concern, and the life events that led to it. There is paperwork at this stage, and it can feel like a lot. No one is asking you to relive anything yet. By the end of session 2, you and your therapist set goals together, on a three- to six-month horizon.

Sessions 3 and 4

 You are both still getting acclimated, and you are deciding together how to approach the thing you came in for. Your therapist is mostly listening here rather than teaching. This is your time to talk and put things down.

Sessions 5 and 6

 If EMDR was part of the plan at intake, this is usually where it starts. If it was not, this is often where your therapist starts handing you language: words for patterns you have lived a long time without being able to name. By this point, the early doubts have been said out loud and dealt with, and it feels safe to work.

Couples Therapy with Dr. Leija

Couples therapy at Attunigrate is offered by Dr. Silvia Leija, PhD, LMFT, in English and Spanish. She works short term, typically 6–8 months, and couples sessions are $250.

If what you’re bringing is better suited to individual therapy, we’ll let you know and match you with the right therapist.

Who you'd work with

Dr. Silvia Leija

PhD, LMFT

Bilingual Spanish. Couples, chronic pain, complex trauma, immigration evaluations

What clients say

"I love love love Silvia. She helps me alot. I can see different points of views when I'm stuck. And I love that we align on so much."  (A.T.)

Book with Dr. Silvia

Insurance & Payment Options for Therapy in Michigan

We accept most major insurance plans. Attunigrate is in-network with Blue Cross Blue Shield of Michigan, Blue Care Network, Aetna, Priority Health, and UnitedHealthcare.

Most clients using insurance pay a copay between $25 and $75 per session, depending on their plan. We verify your exact cost before your first session so there are no surprises.


Private pay is $150 per session with most of our therapists, $175 with Dr. Leija.
We do not accept Medicare or Medicaid.

Check your coverage
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You already know how this goes. It doesn't have to.

Book a first session and tell us what keeps happening. We'll take it from there.

Start your becoming

FAQ's

Because your nervous system has registered the conversation as a threat and gone offline to manage it. It is not stonewalling and it is not a choice, which is why being asked to just say what you are thinking does not help. It is treatable, and it is one of the most common things we see.

or couples work, yes. If only one of you wants to start, individual therapy on the same pattern is worth doing and often changes the dynamic on its own.

Start on your own. Half of a pattern is still a pattern, and the part you can change is yours. Plenty of couples work begins as one person's individual therapy.

Yes. Dr. Leija sees couples in Spanish and English.

No, and the goal is not to determine who is right about the last argument. The work is on the pattern that produces the arguments, which neither of you built alone.

Couples sessions with Dr. Leija are $250. Insurance coverage for couples therapy is different from individual coverage, and we will verify your

exact cost before your first session.

Dr. Leija works short term, usually six to eight months. That is shorter than the individual work described elsewhere on this site, and it is deliberate.